To Be

Another week of school finished and I am sick. Finding it hard to be happy with things. I feel like I am looking for something. I just don't know what it is. I find myself unable to even settle on a TV show to watch. I just keep thinking that I should be doing other things then what I am. The constant pondering and fantasizing about living a different life is more torture then escape. It is rather troubling that the only thing that provides me any calmness is something that strengthens my depression. Ha, to be, to be, to be.

Full Swing

I am in the full swing of college now, PE(physical education) classes and all. The classes I have this semester are Spanish 1, Photography 5, Physical Ed. 9, Physical Ed. 15, and Graphic Communication 31(Photoshop for web design). No serious classes except for Spanish and I have to take two PE classes to get a degree. The other two I am taking because I can. I still have to take another placement test for math before the college will let me take any math courses. Hopefully I will get that done this semester and start getting into what I actually want to do. If everything goes will this semester I hope to take one math course next semester, Spanish 2, PE 9 again,  and a couple other classes, one class from the graphics communication program and the one other being a prerequisite for the science/engineering course I need.

All this thinking ahead and getting my ducks in a row so I can reach a goal is so alien to me. I have always just gone about things as they came along, work here because the job landed in my lap, quit because I I am bored and have saved enough to get by for a while. Nothing ever stable, everything always shifting. I hope I can complete what I have laid out before myself. I am really trying to adopt a point of view that I am doing something new every semester so that I don't get bored of being in classes all day. I keep thinking that I should get a job to supplement my income, but I am afraid that I will get over whelmed and burned out on things from stress. I guess I should just look into it and try. Maybe find a part time job, I could always quit it. I am not really worried about my work history at this point, I have already wrecked it.

Eh, I have Spanish homework to do.

But Just Not Today

Well I cleaned my room and did some laundry. I still haven't gotten any of the home work I was supposed to do over the weekend done. I guess you could say that I have been slacking on that. It is so hard for me to get back into the swing of classes even after such a short break as Christmas and the new year. 

I have Spanish 1 vocabulary to do, and I need to take 24 photographs for my photography class. I just cant seem to be bothered to do so. I took some pics and immediately deleted them from existence. Will I might have the more creative and artful mind out of me and my sisters, I still think that I suck at capturing or creating anything worth while. Whether it is me painting, drawing, or taking photograph I feel less inspired then I remember being when I was a kid. Granted line, form and colors still hold their appeal for me. I even enjoy the process for the most part when it comes to it, whether on the computer or by hand. Its just not from a perspective that I find appealing.

Well I guess I should put up some pics for the things I have done and post up what I will be doing in all these classes I am taking.

But just not today. Today I am tired and want to go to sleep forgetting about everything outside my room.

A Salute to the Eames

I mentioned before I piddle around with graphic design and some day want to design and build my own house. So with them being as they are I look for things doing with design. Here is a cool video from Ice Cube on the Eames.

I know most people don't know who the Eames are. But they affected modern design a lot in all kinds of way. I hope that Ice Cube plugging them will encourage you to get to know them and what they did. Also here is a trailer for a video being done about them.

The Start

So I am starting this little blog as a place to dump the things that are going through my head. So I guess I should put what is in my head out there then. But what is in my head? Hmm.....alot of crap.

First I am not where I want to be, second I am not what I want to be, and third I still feel alone even in a crowded room. I plan to go over these three pressing paths of thoughts and all the other fleeting trails that cross over them.

The issues I see myself having with doing this is me not just deleting my posts after I have written them or even posted them. To actually let them be seen and not try to horde the chaos to myself. For I am a greedy, self-absorbed, fearful person who revels in his own misery and delusions. 

Now to what I am up to in life? That being easier to relate to others since I really don't know who I am. Currently I am a student at my local city college where I attend classes and tell people that I planning on be engineer. I say it like that because I still cant imagine actually obtaining a degree. I also a big video game enthusiast and computer geek. I have been taking graphic design classes at city and for the last few years really enjoyed messing around in illustrator/photoshop making forum signatures, site banners, and other random images. I currently live with my grandmother to insure that she has someone there, and because I have nowhere else to go right now. This is what is affording me the opportunity to attend college.
That is pretty much it, I am a miserable fellow which makes it hard to have any friends, I do have a few though. It also makes it hard to find someone who would want to be involved with you, so I am single and have been for a long while now. I also have no kids or pets, not even a house plant.  I am considering a whole bunch of things though, I have this urge in me to just flee on most days. Nothing is really wrong, I just want to see and do other things then what I am doing. I am trying to temper this by making plans that make it seem as though I am preparing to have this great adventure after college.
So here are some of the things on my list for when I get my degree:
1. Visit Yellowstone
2. Visit Alaska
3. Visit Hawaii
2. Move away from California, at least to Arizona
3. Get a passport and go to Europe
4. Look into Moving to South America, possibly Argentina
5. Design and build my own house


Those are the ones that come to mind, I think that if I get most of them done I will manage to work out this antsy bug that is in me and finally be able to settle down and relax some where. Until then I plan to continue to attend college and take graphic design classes, and art classes to help quell it so I don't actually end up fleeing.
Well I don't feel like saying anything else so I am assuming that this good start to a blog and a good place to end my first post.